The Gift of the Judgement Day

Someone I know told me that day, ‘people had such a bad impression about me when I was struggling!’

I paused for a moment and asked him, ‘does any of that make a difference now?’

Mr Cool Boy, this one is for you.

Do the perceptions of other people matter? Is first impression always the last impression? Questions about how people judge us do the rounds in our mind or even by word of mouth, but if we pause for a while and think if any of that actually makes a difference, the answer is a big No!

Mr Cool Boy (name not published for judgmental reasons!) is one such person I met during my professional journey. Much junior to me, this young bright boy had completed his higher studies and was somehow struggling to get a job initially. That phase was leaving him confused and restless. Though doubts were creeping in his mind, he always seemed to be confident about himself and kept moving on despite the challenges he was facing. 

He looked beyond the obvious. People were talking behind his back; giving him negative vibes and making him feel low about himself. He was wondering where all his hard work will lead to. But kept saying, ‘I know I can do it, it’s just a matter of time’. And then one day he messaged me and shared that he has got his first job. A moment to congratulate him and celebrate indeed.

Upon talking to him further, he mentioned that he got the job by applying for it through a routine job application. After months of trying to start his career, he cracked an interview and got selected by a reputed organization. I met him recently and he asked, ‘people had such misconceptions about me, hope all that has changed.’ I told him, in fact, kind of asked him, ‘did all of that really make any difference to who you are today? Did those misconceptions and judgement matter? What matters is that you are proud of who you are today, and how you made it. Nothing else does.’

In a bid to separate the wheat from the chaff, people get into the habit of forming a perception about other people, being judgmental and spreading negative vibes. It seems to become very easy to judge people and demean them by picking up on some of their actions. When we turn on the judgement button, everything about people and situations seems to make a difference. However, at the same time we fail to realize that we all are different in our own ways. We have our unique qualities. We are defined with our own characteristics.

Though we cannot stop people from being judgemental and negative about us, we can learn from our experiences that any judgements made by others do not help us grow in anyway. In a process to impose our perceptions on others, we fail to realize that each individual has their own integral patterns which should be recognized. Pulling down someone with our judgement and opinion doesn’t help anyway.During the struggling days, I noticed that while there were seniors who were guiding and recognizing him for his achievements, there were others who were speaking negative things about him. While he was trying to keep things casual, there were times he could actually feel the negativity spreading. That phase gradually passed with patience, consistency and learning from his experiences and knowledge. Not for him alone, but that’s how it should be for everyone else.

We are not born with good or bad qualities and characteristics. We acquire characteristics through the journey. We falter. We fail to learn many times. But I am sure there is some learning at some point of time. While uplifting one another is vital, it is also important to continuously evaluate ourselves through the process. While ignoring people who keep hitting us with negative vibes is not always easy, it is important to shift the focus from that one point of melodrama. To trust ourselves, to be confident and keep moving.

Do not judge, but continue to empower. Mr Cool Boy, you deserve more than you think you do. Be who you are.