The last few months of the last year changed a big gamut of my life. In fact, it changed many a major aspects and things. I became pressed for time, and though thoughts were moving on in my mind, I was unable to sit and pen them down.
The varied thoughts, incidents, situations happening over
the last few months have been mind boggling. I met some amazing human beings,
had a deep insight into their thought process which inspired me in many ways
specially during my low moments, often having to take impromptu decisions,
actually living on the edge, being fearless irrespective of unknown fears
gripping me, taking wild risks and so on and so forth.
But the most amazing aspect of this entire time span was the
mysterious grasp of fear and thrill along the journey at the same point of time.
Mystery has always attracted me, the deep dark unknown secrets of life being
engrossing at every spur. Fearful of the darker shadows that have been overpowering
my life over the last many years and then becoming fearless overnight came as a
shocker to many. Till some great extent, even to myself.
I started wondering if whatever I was doing was for real and couldn’t believe for a long time that I could actually beat my fears and the darker shades, living with them and enjoying the glory of a wild craving to break the walls finally. Fear grips like fire, and rising from one’s own ashes makes one take the reins of life bang on. At times it’s not also important to overcome the darkness, as from there comes a source of light. The habit of living in darkness becomes deeply etched, also strangely giving a sense of vague comfort. One definitely feels blinded with the sudden source of light, living inside a dark room for days. Think of the blind, the physical sight is missing, but their sensations and experiences are vast and varied. So it’s just like that.
I started wondering if whatever I was doing was for real and couldn’t believe for a long time that I could actually beat my fears and the darker shades, living with them and enjoying the glory of a wild craving to break the walls finally. Fear grips like fire, and rising from one’s own ashes makes one take the reins of life bang on. At times it’s not also important to overcome the darkness, as from there comes a source of light. The habit of living in darkness becomes deeply etched, also strangely giving a sense of vague comfort. One definitely feels blinded with the sudden source of light, living inside a dark room for days. Think of the blind, the physical sight is missing, but their sensations and experiences are vast and varied. So it’s just like that.
‘The seed of materializing one’s dream has to be sown in the
mind, just dreaming is not enough,’ – that is the basic, so I learnt from the
lady who lives on the pavement of Chadni Chowk in Kolkata. I was speaking to
her sometime in December last year before I said goodbye to my previous
organization. She had just lost her new born baby and fighting to survive with
her 3 year old daughter and 8 year old son. Those words hit me right across the
face, as she made me realize that one has to face life in it’s nude form to
live life on the brink.
Like her or Rabia – like many others whose journey gets unnoticed, uncared for, time and again I would love to write for them. For the fire and spark I felt in the amazing illustrator of a magazine, the writer in a newspaper, the manager of a restaurant, the ex-government official and theatre artist, the entrepreneur, the blogger, the photographer, the tea stall owner, the rickshaw puller, the juice maker and many others, life kept telling me time and again, yes! There’s so much to learn, to explore, to do.
Like her or Rabia – like many others whose journey gets unnoticed, uncared for, time and again I would love to write for them. For the fire and spark I felt in the amazing illustrator of a magazine, the writer in a newspaper, the manager of a restaurant, the ex-government official and theatre artist, the entrepreneur, the blogger, the photographer, the tea stall owner, the rickshaw puller, the juice maker and many others, life kept telling me time and again, yes! There’s so much to learn, to explore, to do.
Yes, it is indeed a twist of time for me and I have just
started walking on a path again unknown with a strange passion to hug fear and overcome
it at the same time.
